matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
