I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
