I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
