I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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