We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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