We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
