I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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