I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
