if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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