I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
