I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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