I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i think im in europe. pls send help
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize