I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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