Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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