U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
