I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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