If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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