Have you finally orgasmed yet?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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