apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
