He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
