There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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