He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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