You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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