just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
