We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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