He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize