Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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