guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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