i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
