i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
