Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
