When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
