No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
