Apparently you make a good broom.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Still dying that you shit outside
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
