Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
