Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
