my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
