Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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