awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
