I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
