Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
