I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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