I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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