I'm lost and stupid without you.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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