I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
