I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
