I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
