He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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