Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
A bitchslap is in order.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
