last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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