i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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