Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize