my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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