thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
