All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
