piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
