My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
