I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
