Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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