I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
love makes seman taste better
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
