coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
