As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize