I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
