i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize