My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
