So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
