smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
