i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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