Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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