So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
