so explain again why im purple
no
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
