I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
