Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
