Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
