glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
