So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
