I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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