It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
