Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
