you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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