Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
