Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
