oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
