She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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