he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
