So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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