she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
