Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the condom got lost in my hair
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
