I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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