I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
