I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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