You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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