note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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