so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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