Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
