Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
