Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
