Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
